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Seasoned Detective Disgusted at Sight of Auto Body Parts in Upright Freezer
DETROIT, MI – Chief Investigator William Barrelton has been on the force for the better part of three decades, but even this hardened veteran was caught off guard last Tuesday by the grisly scene at...
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City to Introduce Virus Protection Computer Condoms
SAN FRANCISCO, CA – City officials unveiled a plan Wednesday to cut down on the number of computers infected with viruses by making computer condoms free to the public. Very similar to the condoms we...
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DNA Test Kits Go Mobile
Chicago, IL – “Have you checked out the new vending machine in the break room?” your co-worker asks. “No,” you say and ask, “Why?” “It’s weird,” he replies. “How so?” you inquire. “I can’t even explain...
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Magnetic Mattress Pad Only Removes Money
Cleveland, OH – The very best scientists that science has to offer, or at least the ones with the cleanest lab coats, have been hard at work lately digging up the answers to a Nonsense News reader’s...
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Security Cameras and Sympathy Flowers
It is a tried and true trick to call in sick on days when you just don’t want to deal office drudgery or can’t stand to look at your cubicle wall for another hour that week. Not any more my fellow...
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Defibrillation!
Jersey City, NJ – In eternal wise-guy fashion, regular riders of the PATH train have adapted the emergency defibrillators recently installed in their stations to a wide variety of uses. The PATH train,...
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Treasure Secretary Timothy Geithner Asks Congress to Make World of Warcraft...
Explaining that “our currency has become deflated and inconstant,” Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner shocked political observers today by asking congress to make World of Warcraft gold into legal...
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